


Wish you were gay.

by ChopperBoo



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29549994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChopperBoo/pseuds/ChopperBoo
Summary: Tubbo wanted to be neighbors with Ranboo.Based on the new smp and "wish you were gay" :thumbs_up:
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo/Toby Smith | Tubbo
Comments: 38
Kudos: 178





	Wish you were gay.

**Author's Note:**

> There isn't really any direct romantic interactions so i guess if you cover one of your eyes u can read it as platonic lmao
> 
> if u r gonna just leave a hate comment or smth, just leave :)

_**“Baby I don’t feel so good.” Six words you never understood.** _

“Ranboo, I don’t feel so good.” Tubbo mumbled with his hands on his stomach, walking through the forest. “I’m hungry, my power makes me lose hunger faster than humans.” 

“Really? Let me find you something to eat, should I ask Phil if he can give us food?” The smaller smiled and nodded, he liked being spoiled. Ranboo smiled back. “Alright, I’ll be back soon.”

“Thank you.” He started chopping some trees, he wanted to make his home as soon as possible, then Ranboo and he could be neighbors! 

**_“I’ll never let you go.” Five words you never said._ **

“It’s raining!” Ranboo looked really scared, he was hiding under his tree-house, looking for shelter. “Oh, c’mon big man, it’ll be fine. It’s going to stop soon.” The brunette looked at the sky to check, it didn’t seem like it. “Uh, erm, maybe?” Ranboo glanced around looking defeated. Tubbo proceeded to go upstairs and keep building his house, the enderboy could stay there until the rain stopped. 

“Uh, ok, I’m going to get wood too.” Ranboo started walking farther from the tree-house and he suddenly teleported under another tree. He repeated the action until he was no longer in Tubbo’s sight.

“It’s ok, he’ll be back soon. We are going to be neighbors, anyway. I’ll see him every day.” He reassured himself, trying not to feel lonely. “He’ll be back soon.” 

The flowers beside his beloved tree were being violently hurt by the rain.

_**I laugh along like nothing’s wrong, four days has never felt so long.** _

He didn’t come back the next day. Or the next day to that day, neither the rest of that week.

But he texted:

“im with phil! Turns out I can keep up with his pace, we’ve been living in a mineshaft for a while.”

A mineshaft. A mineshaft? Philza loves flying, what the hell was he doing in a mineshaft? 

“Can I join you?” Tubbo texted back, he deleted it a few times but he ended up sending it.

He missed him, they used to talk every day and now he was too busy with Philza Fucking Minecraft.

“sure”

Dick.

“:) <3” 

(He missed him so much.)

So he did. 

He passed by Wilbur, who was carrying pumpkin (“we are experimenting with Ranboo.” “we?” “Me and Phil!” “Oh.”) and followed him to a ravine.

He never felt worse.

(Or out of place, like he didn’t fit in, and he would never fit in no matter how much he tried.)

Ranboo looked at Phil with admiration, he looked at him like he was some kind of deity. Every time Tubbo looked at the enderman, he was either looking at Philza or his wings.

He overheard the conversation, snapping out of his bubble. 

Turns out Ranboo couldn’t see people who had pumpkins in their heads. They looked invisible to him. 

(Philza and Wilbur were fantasizing about pranks they could make to Ranboo, Tubbo joined the laughter awkwardly.)

A question was roaming around his mind.

He wasn’t wearing anything in his head, so why wasn’t Ranboo looking at him? 

_**If three is a crowd, then two is us. One slipped away.** _

Wilbur left to see Niki, the local mermaid was always lonely, so he wanted to go and visit. 

Ranboo and Phil continued talking like he wasn’t even there, it felt awful. His chest felt like someone was ripping his heart out.

He left without saying goodbye. 

(No one noticed anything.)

I just wanna make you feel okay, but all you do is look the other way. 

He missed him a lot, they still talked every day...Kinda.

(“Good morning!” “Goodnight.”)

Ranboo seemed busy, he always gave the shulker-boy short answers. He tried making a conversation but he seemed tied up.

“sorry, phil and I are searching for the stronghold.” What.

“I want to make my house there! cool, right?” 

No, it wasn’t cool, it sucked. It was way too far, he was supposed to be his neighbor, it was a shitty idea. Did he actually prefer fucking silver fishes than him? What a dick. Fucking asshole.

“Cool :thumbs_up:” 

**_I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t wanna stay._ **

Ranboo was back, he looked brighter, somehow.

He was back with Philza. And didn’t even tell him he was going to be back.

Tubbo talked to Philza, he was going to get his attention one way or another. That little shit. While he was talking, he took a sneak peek at the enderman. 

He was looking at Philza’s wings, again.

What a fucking dick. Prick.

“So are you guys a team?” He asked carefully, trying to hide the jealousy in his voice. Ranboo suddenly perks up, directing his gaze at Philza’s face.

“Yeah!” He fucking chirped. “We’re a team, right?” His eyes were all sparkly and shit, but he sounded more doubtful. Phil looked back at him like he was Technoblade, his look softened. 

“Yep.” The oldest answered ruffling his hair as if he was some kind of dog, Ranboo’s smile widened (he tried to hide it, he did a shitty job trying to hide it, dumbass). 

Wilbur stare at them with weird gawk, it felt like his eyes were trying to talk for him but Tubbo couldn’t quite get them, it felt intense though. Niki looked like she was suppressing “aww’s” or something.

Tubbo was speechless, he felt empty.

Fucking Philza, man. 

**_I just kinda wish you were gay._ **

He just realized everything.

He felt pretty fucking dumb.

Of course, he had a crush on Ranboo, they spent too much time together and Tubbo was so fucking weak, he always fell too quickly. 

And he always took everything for granted, as always.

God, he missed him, he missed him way too much. He tried talking with everyone else to distract himself.

It didn’t work. When he talked with Niki, she realized almost immediately (she said some shit about body language), she advised him. Niki voiced not to worry and that he should try to fix their friendship by talking it out if he missed him that much. Also reminded him that Ranboo probably missed Philza a lot since he hadn’t seen him for almost a year, and to remember that Philza was like a mentor to him. 

In the end, Philza was the one who introduced Ranboo to everyone.

Tubbo understood, that didn’t mean it stopped hurting him. The pain was still there, even if it was selfish of him (“it wasn’t” Niki’s voice reminded him), he couldn’t stop it.

**_Is there a reason we are not through?_ **

Why didn’t he talk to him? He couldn’t be with Philza all day.

(“Bet” Ranboo’s voice said in his mind making Tubbo laugh)

Of course, he could’ve with Philza all day, they were a team, of course, he could.

And he would.

(And he was.) 

**_Is there a twelve-step just for you?_ **

Sometimes he looked at the tiny isle beside him where Ranboo’s house would’ve been, they would’ve seen every day and slept in each other’s houses regularly. And they would’ve watched movies together, maybe they could’ve invited everyone to their houses around the lake.

Maybe they would’ve built a bridge connecting the two houses.

It could’ve been like that.

But it wasn’t.

**_Our conversation’s all in blue, eleven hey’s._ **

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Hey Ranboo”

“Ranboob”

He sent the message an hour after the other ten, waiting for the taller’s answer.

“Tubbo”

Did he actually-? Was it because of the...? What a dick, man. He hated him, he hated him so much. God, he hated him more than he’s ever hated anyone else. 

(Not really.)

“I missed you.” Of course he lied, he was dumb, he just couldn’t hate him. 

“i missed u too tub!” What a stupid nickname, he didn’t know what was he smiling for and why did his cheeks hurt so much all of a sudden. 

He clapped his hands on his cheeks, now, concentrate. They had to talk.

“Can you help me get bees in my garden?” Niki said they should talk, he wanted to talk to him. 

He wanted to see him and hear his voice.

“bees?” Yes, bees, bucko. “uh...” Tubbo’s smile faded, he gripped the communicator. “im rlly far away from spawn :(“ (Not the sad face, Tubbo was weak, don’t do this to him).

“It’s ok big man” No, it wasn’t ok. He wasn’t ok. He felt tired like someone was pulling him down and he was about to give in. 

Tears prickled his eyes.

**_Ten fingers tearing out my hair._ **

“ill try to make it!” Tubbo managed to read, he re-read it to see if his mind wasn’t tricking him. “im sure we’re going to find the stronghold soon” Tubbo’s expectations were going up, he really didn’t want to them to go up, but he couldn’t stop them.

“when we find it, ill go back and help u”

Relief filled him, the weight in his back went away. He took a deep breath. 

The pain in his chest was gone too, he suppressed his smile.

“K :)”

“awesome”

**_Nine times you never made it there._ **

“sorryyy, i cant make it, maybe ill be back at noon??”

It was only a few hours, Tubbo could wait. He searched for his bee overall, it was his favorite one.

“im so sorry tubbo, cant make it today :( im sure tomorrow we’ll find it”

Tomorrow.

It was ok, he preferred that way actually.

“sorry again, i think we’re almost there? we passed it accidentally lmao”

Almost there, finally. They were going to meet soon.

“i swear today we’re going to find it, we found the area where it is”

He started talking to Niki while he waited, it makes the time go faster.

“we’re going to take a break today, its raining. sorry :(“

Understandable.

“uh, we ran out of endereyes” 

Niki was starting to see him with a pity look, he didn’t like it.

“we’re p sure we’re near, but it seems to be in a mountain”

He stopped waiting outside.

“sorry tub, itll be worth it tho, its going to be so cool”

Yeah. Cool and far from everyone. 

“cant make it today too, sorry”

Tubbo felt sick, it made him feel sick and tired. It’s been over a week now.

He wanted his feelings to go away, they were just stubborn and a nuisance.

He grabbed the communicator.

“I did it myself, it’s fine, dw.” He texted back, lying. Feeling empty and crying just because. It didn’t really hurt him anymore, he just would randomly start crying out of nowhere.

He let the tears run all over his face, they were going to stop at some point anyway.

Right?

“I’m really sorry, tubbo”

“tubbo?”

Right, at some point.

_**I ate alone at seven, you were six minutes away.** _

Ranboo visited the spawn. Ranboo visited the lake.

He could hear him talking with Niki from his tree-house, everyone was sitting on the porch of the house near the lake. (Was it Wilbur’s? He remembers vaguely helping with the building part.)

He didn’t leave his tree-house.

_**How am I supposed to make you feel ok when all you do walk the other way?** _

He didn’t even visit him, neither looked at him or his house, hell, he didn’t even check if there were any bees (there weren’t any bees).

He hated him so so so much.

Fuck him and his stupid pretty face, and his pretty hair, and his shitty pretty eyes and his height and his shitty suit and his ginormous hands, and fuck him.

He started crying again.

(Less sadness, more anger.) 

**_I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t wanna stay._ **

He wanted to greet him, to punch him (more specifically, punch his fucking groin or something because he didn’t even reach his face), he wanted to ask him why didn’t he come back, was he not worth it?

Was he not worth it? Was he not worth coming back?

Was he actually not worth that much?

(Finding a fucking stronghold was worth more than him?)

“Am I not worthy enough for you, Boo?” His vision became blurry, his eyes were filled with tears again.

Great! Fantastic! 

“Awesome!” Ranboo’s voice said in his head.

“Shut the fuck up. Stop talking.”

_**I just kinda wish you were gay... To spare my pride,** _

He was worth a lot, he was worth it, he knew it, he wasn’t fucking stupid. He was dumb but not that dumb, he was fine looking at least (at least?). He was worth it, he knew it. 

He didn’t feel like thinking too much about it.

“The discs were worth more than you ever were.”

(No. They weren’t. Shut up.) 

_**to give your lack of interest and explanation.** _

He was worth at least a bit some attention, he guessed. Ranboo was a dick, and Philza too, and Wilbur too (just because), and everyone was stupid and he wasn’t stupid. 

(He was worth it.)

He was worth it.

...right? 

(He started crying again, his eyes were red and his eyes were puffy. He stayed in his tree-house the rest of the week, once again.)

**_Don’t say I’m not your type, just say that I’m not your preferred sexual orientation._ **

Ranboo and he had great chemistry, he knew they had that (at least). They never run out of things they could say, they loved talking to each other.

He loved talking to him about everything, he would always listen to him. No matter how boring it could get.

He loved him.

He missed him so much.

_**I’m so selfish, but you make me feel helpless.** _

He hated himself for blaming the other. Ranboo was great, he was a lovely guy.

Kind and funny, and charismatic, and pretty also kind.

And Tubbo was dumb, in desperate need to stop daydreaming.

**_And I can’t stand another day... stand another day._ **

Ranboo visited the spawn again, he tried to get near but Tubbo watched his intentions and ran away from his home.

Ignoring Ranboo’s shout and Phil’s voice calling him, Niki shouted too (she was really quiet, so that was something).

He loses himself in the forest, he found bees.

**_I just wanna make you feel okay, but all you do is look the other way._ **

No one really came after him, anyways.

_**I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t wanna stay.** _

He wanted to go back, he wanted to go back now.

Now regret filled him.

(His legs were already running back to his house, but he wandered too far away.) 

The sky was begging to turn grey, clouds appeared out of nowhere. 

_**I just kinda wish you were gay.** _

It started raining.

_**I just kinda wish you were gay.** _

No one was waiting for him inside his home, he catches a glimpse of the house near the lake being light up. 

He looked more carefully. Niki was on the doorstep, enjoying the rain, she was out of the water. She was laughing while talking to the people who were inside the house.

(He could hear a lot of voices, he couldn’t recognize all of them. For a moment, he even heard Schlatt.)

Good for her, he guessed.

He was crying yet again (when did this become such a normal thing for him to do?), he didn’t notice it at first because of the rain. Letting out a deep sigh, he went inside his house.

Ranboo was probably over there, laughing with everyone else. Fucking dick.

Also, what a fool Tubbo was.

He kept sobbing, now inside his bed, trying to hide under the sheets. His lights were off and his door locked. He really didn’t want them to know he was back in his home, not anymore.

He hated his feelings, he hated the moment his mind said “yes, let’s a have crush on someone who’ll probably break our heart, yes, seems about right.” 

He hated himself, maybe he was worth something, but he wasn’t enough. Neither for himself or Ranboo.

He hated himself so much, and he also hated feeling like that, he wanted his feelings to be gone. He wanted everyone to be gone, he wished he had never met him. 

(He wished someone would hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright too.)

He wishes the enderman opened the door and apologize on his knees because being ignored fucking hurts. And Ranboo knew that. 

(They talked about it once, he remembered.) 

He wishes so many things, he wishes he could delete all his feeling, all his memories, all the pain.

He wishes...

“ _ **I just kinda wish you were gay.**_ ” Tubbo muttered holding his bed plush close to his chest, trying to make his body even smaller. Trying to hide from everything under his blanket. 

He heard a knock at his door. He didn’t want to get up and open the door, he really didn’t want to. He knew he probably looked awful, he’s been crying for hours after all. But then he snapped out of it.

That knock. It wasn’t any kind of knock. Only one fucking person did that kind of stupid and obnoxious knocking. Only one person could be recognized with a knock.

He got up, holding his blanket with a strong grip over his head and with the bee plush in the other hand. Opening the door to see his best friend, the worried look the blond gave him as soon as he saw him meant that he probably looked like shit. 

He didn’t bother to hold his tears, he took a breath. “I need you.” His voice came out weak and raspy, almost broken.

Tommy didn’t doubt a second, he entered the house and hugged his small friend with delicacy, as if he was some kind of porcelain doll, pulling him close slowly. 

**Author's Note:**

> hey girl, im projecting


End file.
